Michelle sent a picture of Nanyang girls and told me to spot Winston.
Winston told me to find a picture of Garfield to send to Michelle
Thoughtful April 24, 2008
As I was randomly surfing, with Swadling laying infront of me, and my brain threatening to quit, a little yellow and blue humming- bird came to say hello through the library window- and everything seems brighter again.
Weird things happen at 5am… April 22, 2008
It was a race between the White and the Black. A quest for East- West dominance. And a test of P- plate versus pure arrogance. So in sum total, the P- Plate in a Black Japanese car lost to the arrogance of the White German car.
This morning at 5am, Winston and I had a little spontaneous race from BTC to my house. As I was driving slowly towards Evans Road, I see a mad EZ1234P going AGAINST the traffic near cutting across LKY School of Public Policy, across the Library and cuting right infront of me. That is unethical by the way. Then as I was crossing the barrier, the insensitive barrier actually landed on my windscreen. I had to reverse and drive forward so that the ERP thing can detect my cashcard. By that time, Winnie’s car is already far ahead infront. Based on a total lack of skill and revving speed, I caught up with him at Kim Seng and my superior acceleration got me ahead. Nearing my house, he took the bends with much more finesse and skill and obsviously landed ahead of me but again I overtook him and cut into his lane at the right turn. From then on, all the roads were single lanes, so I was feeling complacent and proud and pretty damn sure I was going to win this time.
Then, the most aggravating thing happened, I was turning RIGHT on a SINGLE lane and Mr Yien disregarded the traffic again and endangered half the world’s population by turning right the same time I was turning AGAINST the traffic and CUT right infront of me. Again, that is unethical. And I could see the cheeky, satisfied grin on his face. I cannot help it by try to beep and high- beam him in exasperation. After that, there was no way of winning and I lost again.
Damn. I lose EVERY single time. From his house to my house, down the length of CTE. Somehow, I will be winning for a huge part and at the very crucial moments, I will lose. Winston attributes it to my lack of skill. I attribute it to his skillfully playing dirty.
Comfort Food April 13, 2008
I have discovered the joys of comfort food. I know why sweets, chocolates, ice creams are called comfort food, they bring along with them sweetness and appeal with my life lacks. Then they also bring along fats which I have no lack.
Brain worm April 11, 2008
Obsessing. I am quite guilty of that, of obsessing over a certain idea, obsessing over a dream and obsessing over people. That sounds abit psychopathic perhaps but it just means thinking and thinking, replaying and replaying what-ifs in the space between my ears. Sometimes obsessing over people in bad. It gives them undue credit, just as hating them, being jealous of them, envying them and dissing them does. Sometimes, we get the temporal satisfaction but that roots them in a stronger position as a ‘weakness’.
The point is, I am still obsessing and I need to stop.
Addendum April 9, 2008
As an addendum to my previous post, I forgot to mention that there is another important reason to refrain from pre- marital sex. Women need to keep certain chips close to their bosoms and only reveal them when the time is right. If we actually do a ’show-hand’ of everything, our value will be known and we might even lose the existing chips on the table. Bait a man and keep him in suspense and in a way, that is the romance that comes from anticipating and patiently (or impatiently) waiting.
It is a reason that does not penalise me for arbitrarily drawing lines and a reason that does not stem from a moral high- ground. It is wholly practical and stems from the fact that men can be idiots. Then again, retaining value also involves a corresponding loss of value somewherelse- to miss out years and years of sexual fulfillment and indulgence when you are at your prime shape. Again, it is personal.
Everlasting Covenant April 8, 2008
We have a ‘present’ covenant with the person that we will marry; it is not a ‘current’ covenant since we don’t know who they might be; it is not a ‘future’ covenant because the covenant starts the moment that you were born and became a child of God…
I stayed back for almost an hour after class today, talking and listening to Prof Yvonne Lee discuss the most random things like herpes, conflicts of law, homosexuality, incest, jurisprudence, company law, fairness, values… Too wide and too rapid and it was interesting to pick her brain. In the middle of our conversation, she suddenly asked, “Do you know that we have a present covenant with the person we will marry?’ It struck me and it gave me a term to put onto what I believe in: no pre- marital sex because it ought to be left for the special person who will share your life with you. Yes, a covenant, we have a present covenant with the person we are to marry, that means that, one day, our decisons and the values that we choose will affect that person.
With that covenant, we must love ourselves with the other person in mind. If you choose to get Herpes or lead a life of STDs, you break your covenant. As a woman, if you choose to give another man your virginity, have you also broken your covenant with your future husband? Maybe. Perhaps, it is artificial and hypocritical to take a stand against extra- marital and pre- marital sex. Yes, I haven’t had either but I sure have lustful thoughts and demonstrate lustful behavior. Where has the line been drawn and who am I to draw a line? Perhaps it is personal, I draw the line for myself and this line I maintain and promise to maintain because I believe in the existing covenant with the one person out there. And yet, I am afraid to declare and say that I will NEVER have sex before marriage. Never say ‘Never’. I used to, but in this one year and 3 months, I have learnt, within my relationship with Winston, that the things that I used to say, ‘Never’ to, have been redrawn one by one. I used to say, I will NEVER sleep in a room with a guy. After 3 months, he starts sleeping over at Sheares. I used to say, I will NEVER stay-over at your place. As the months go by, I start going home later and later and by the sixth month, staying over becomes routine. In this, I have faith that it will be a ‘NEVER’ and sex should be left to be within a marriage.
In a way, I see the ‘present’ covenant stemming from our covenant with God. Only God has the power to pronounce two people husband and wife. His grace upon His children leads them to His ways and to love because God is love. As I sin from time to time and, as I break promises that threatens my covenant with my future husband, I know that it as a sin against God as well.
I admire that Prof Lee’s faith and love for God has infused into her practice and study of law. As Winston says, it makes people think about the bigger picture and care about the people around them, as opposed to the Satanic notions of self- preservation and instant gratification.
On a random note, should we believe that there is only person in this world for each of us? Is that a restriction in God’s power or does that reflect the greatness in that? What if one person who screws up and upsets the balance? But if God is truly as Great as He is, a mere man cannot screw up His plans.
